bloggin for a change

I havent written thoughts down in a really really long time. I use to journal and stuff all the time but at some point I just stopped. I guess it all went down when emo was replaced with hipster. I think my brain misses it though. I think the most valuable thing about writing is having something to look back on and gauge yourself with. Gauge your progress and see how your thoughts about things have changed.

A few bulleted thoughts for now:
1. I think what we think we want when we're little and what we actually end up wanting when we "grow up" are often vastly far from one another.
2. I am disillusioned beyond my years. (I want that sentence structure to mean what I'm trying to express but in case it doesn't, it means that I'm still relatively young but have a very intense 'blah' feeling about life as we know it and the future.)
3. I still think love is bullshit. BUT I understand why people fall (or hope) for it again and again. Its the same reason we fall for anything that promises bliss and happiness. Its nothing that I look down on anyone for because, hell, I do it too. But its like watching hummingbird continually ram into a glass window thinking (or not thinking) that the next time they hit it it will somehow go away or open up to let them into the world they are trying to get into. We try to get something that isnt real because we want it to make us feel real. And thats all that I have to say about that.